I am old and out of shape and I have hiked up a big mountain before (10,000-ish foot Ibapah on the UT-NV border in my younger, naive, and in-shape days) and once was enough thankyouverymuch.
Today, T tried to recruit some friends to join us. He wrote them a nice email explaining what his plan for the day was. I wrote them all back to explain what my plan for the day was. Just so you all have a more complete picture, and so you know where to find my lifeless body, here’s how I’m planning it:
- Leave Longmont at about 6am. Whine about lack of sleep, the early hour, an uncomfortable shoes.
- Drive to Trailhead, should take about 2 hours, or 8am. Trailhead is just off I-70, very easy to get to. Ask to stop to pee three or four times. Drink coffee. Sulk.
- Hike to top of Gray’s and consider whether to hike to Torres at that time. Its along the divide only another mile or less. I expect us to reach the summit in less than 4 hours at a moderate pace, so by about Noon (of course this is where Patrick usually takes off and abandons the group). Stumble, slog, and lumber to the top, wheezing for air and choking on granola bars because I am breathing too hard to chew, swallow, and take in oxygen simultaneously. Ask repeatedly “are we there yet?” and “how much further?” Stop to pee three or four times. Stop to take lots of pictures. Stop because it is hard and I am a wuss. Pitch a fit at the thought of going FURTHER and stage a non-violent protest at top of Grays. Worry about being struck by lightening even if there is narry a cloud in the sky.
- We should be back down in about 2 hours, by 2pm. Are we sledding down? Is there a tram ride down? Llamas? If he means WALKING down, then I am likely to die up there. Probably having been struck by lightening or choking on a granola bar while I tried to walk, eat, and breathe.
- We then head down I-70 to Georgetown for some chips and salsa and a margarita. If I make it this far, and that’s a pretty big IF, I want my own pitcher of margaritas and one for the dog, thank you very much. And please make arrangements for a personal masseuse. Otherwise, no deal. He can’t make me go. He’s not the boss of me 😉
- Head back to Longmont, and back to town by about 6pm. If I have survived the hiking, breathing, lightening, and post-hike alcohol poisoning…fall asleep in the car, mouth open (very attractive), and drool on myself, curled up in the way back with the dog.